The Jurisprudence of Chuck Norris
- It is impossible to sue Chuck Norris for battery because whatever force he uses is always reasonable.
- Chuck Norris can recite ERISA from memory, word for word, but he never does it because ERISA is so boring.
- Congress once considered amending the Federal Rules of Evidence to make anything offered by Chuck Norris automatically admissible.
- Chuck Norris invented the common law.
- Chuck Norris does not need consideration to enforce his contracts.
- When the law of negligence first developed, liability turned on what Chuck Norris would do. The standard for conduct was later lowered to the “ordinary and reasonably prudent man.”
- Chuck Norris used to own Blackacre, but burnt it down for the insurance.
- Originally, the idea of separation of powers was a reference to the fact that Chuck Norris has two different fists.
- Chuck Norris has unlimited peremptory strikes, which he exercises by melting prospective jurors with his mind.
- Justice is blind because Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked her in the face.
From, as best as I can tell, Law & Alcoholism - A Theory of Jurishprudensh
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