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Life of a Law Student, University of Houston Law Center

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The Jurisprudence of Chuck Norris

By: Luke Gilman | Other Posts by
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  • It is impossible to sue Chuck Norris for battery because whatever force he uses is always reasonable.

  • Chuck Norris can recite ERISA from memory, word for word, but he never does it because ERISA is so boring.
  • Congress once considered amending the Federal Rules of Evidence to make anything offered by Chuck Norris automatically admissible.
  • Chuck Norris invented the common law.
  • Chuck Norris does not need consideration to enforce his contracts.
  • When the law of negligence first developed, liability turned on what Chuck Norris would do. The standard for conduct was later lowered to the “ordinary and reasonably prudent man.”
  • Chuck Norris used to own Blackacre, but burnt it down for the insurance.
  • Originally, the idea of separation of powers was a reference to the fact that Chuck Norris has two different fists.
  • Chuck Norris has unlimited peremptory strikes, which he exercises by melting prospective jurors with his mind.
  • Justice is blind because Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked her in the face.

From, as best as I can tell, Law & Alcoholism – A Theory of Jurishprudensh

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