The Three Kick Rule
I don’t know why this one amuses me so much - girlfriend was unimpressed when I told it to her the other day - but for some reason this is one of my favorite lawyer jokes.
A big-city Yankee lawyer went duck hunting in East Texas. He shot a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up in his truck and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”
The old farmer replied, “This is my property, you’re not coming over here.”
Indignant, the lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. If you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “I guess you don’t know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three-Kick-Rule.”
The lawyer asked, What’s the Three-Kick-Rule?.”
The farmer replied, “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.”
The attorney thought about the proposed contest, looked at the farmer, and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the truck and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man’s nose off his face. The barrister was flat on this belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney sent him into convulsions and nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “OK, you old coot! now it’s my turn.” The old farmer smiled and said, “Naw, I give up, you can have the duck.
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