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Homosexual eases into 100 final at Olympic trials

By: Luke Gilman | Other Posts by
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Ed Brayton via Tom Kirkendall notes that American Family Association has a policy at its new outlet, OneNewsNow, never to use the word “gay” but to replace it with “homosexual” – which is all well and good until someone named Tyson Gay turns in a record time in the US Olympic qualifying rounds. The result is an epic poem to double-entendre – “Homosexual eases into 100 final at Olympic trials”

Tyson Homosexual easily won his semifinal for the 100 meters at the U.S. Olympic track and field trials and seemed to save something for the final later Sunday.

His wind-aided 9.85 seconds was a fairly cut-and-dry performance compared to what happened a day earlier. On Saturday, Homosexual misjudged the finish in his opening heat and had to scramble to finish fourth, then in his quarterfinal a couple of hours later, ran 9.77 to break the American record that had stood since 1999.

One of the men who talked about challenging Homosexual in the 100, his former Arkansas teammate Wallace Spearmon, failed to make it to the final by the slimmest of margins. The top four runners advance from each semifinal, and Spearmon finished fifth in his-all of .001 behind Michael Rodgers.

Spearmon, twice a medalist at world championships in the 200, was last out of the blocks and managed to make up a lot of ground, but it wasn’t quite enough. “Aim to win. Got fifth. Feelings are hurt,” Spearmon said. “I’ll make the team in the 200. That’s about it.”

Homosexual didn’t get off to a particularly strong start in the first semifinal, but by the halfway mark he had established a comfortable lead. He slowed somewhat over the final 10 meters-nothing like the way-too-soon complete shutdown that almost cost him Saturday.

Asked how he felt, Homosexual said: “A little fatigued.”

Preserved in the internet amber of Google Cache.

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Category: funny ha ha, journalism

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